Breakfast With Woof & Margie — Pass the Biscuits 🍳☕️

Woof's dislike of grape jelly ("every time you go someplace, they're like, Oh, here's grape jelly") led Margie to explain she's actually allergic — grapes, cherries, raisins, red dyes, EpiPen in the bag. Woof matched her with hornets and wasps, admitting Meow yells at him for never carrying his EpiPen 14:37.

Having established that kissing someone who's eaten grapes is fine, Woof suggested Ryan chew the grapes and pass them over directly. Margie declined with prejudice: "I could chew my own food" 16:11. Ryan, brought up a minute later, immediately endorsed the plan — "if it's chewed up good enough, you'll be fine" 17:16.

On a Delta pilot at LaGuardia asking passengers to vote on whether to wait for dog urine to be cleaned up: "Welcome aboard. Today's inflight entertainment is a dude-to-chihuahua." The segment also produced a deer who saw laundromat prices and "chose violence."

Three restaurants, one blocked exit, and a man who parked in the middle of a lot aisle with his hazards on and wandered off. Woof's proposed fix escalated from a beater truck to a tank. They finally landed at North Star Cafe — biscuits and gravy with a spicy gravy for him, a frittata for Meow, which Woof first pronounced "ferrata," prompting Margie to ask if she got a Ferrari 26:42.

Woof reported a woman who carried her mimosa with her everywhere in the restaurant and then exited ten yards ahead of her own family. Margie's read was immediate — glove box stash. Ryan offered the charitable alternative: "Maybe she just had her drink stolen one time and she's like, never again" 29:43.

The centerpiece of the morning: Margie went around the entire room and gave everyone a line — Woof as "the biggest teddy bear," Ryan as "the Canadian stallion," Dan the recap guy getting a genuine salute for how much he does IRL 41:03, and Meow's custom sneaker and leather work getting a hard "do not sleep on Meow" 42:31. She described herself as "none like Margie B because she is so quiet and shy." Woof's review: "Holy moly, that was a long one... does she have an off switch?" 43:15.

Margie watched a server scrape a burnt piece of toast with her fingernails, leaned over to tell her then-husband she felt sorry for whoever was getting it, and then received it herself. She waited in the car. Woof countered with a guy he was stationed with who had to beg every diner in America to burn his toast on purpose, and nobody would do it 49:54.

Margie described her grilled cheese as needing to be succulent; Woof and Ryan formed an immediate coalition of disbelief ("nobody says that about a sandwich" 53:42). Margie held the line — "I'm different. I'm not a regular person" — and Woof floated renaming his Friday space The Succulent Sandwich 54:03. Woof then noted that Meow murders actual succulents, along with beta fish, while somehow keeping dogs, cats and tarantulas alive 54:26.

A three-year-old's naming choice, a fridge containing two identical brown bags — one hidden M&Ms, one worms — and an ex-husband who responded to a bitten toe with "survival of the fittest" and the front door. A neighbor intercepted the turtle before traffic did and made soup; the shell became a jewelry box 1:00:08. Woof, after a beat: "I'm gonna sit over here traumatized" 1:00:18. The sequel involving the hamsters Sam and Hal ran even stranger, and Ryan asked the question everyone was thinking 1:04:08.

The hamster bit opened into Margie talking plainly about an abusive marriage, staying for her daughter, sleeping with a knife under her pillow — and then landing somewhere constructive: believe in karma, take a pause after a breakup, and don't make the next person pay for the last one. "You can do bad all by yourself" 1:07:46. Her revenge fantasy involving neighborhood dog poop and a windshield 1:06:27 kept the room from getting too heavy, and prompted Woof to advise Ryan to rent a car when he visits.

Woof's sign-off — the little moments matter, call your family, actually sit down and enjoy breakfast, and "if you got one biscuit left, maybe consider sharing the damn thing." Margie, instantly: "We're not sharing biscuits" 1:11:59. Earlier in her own thanks she'd made clear that the no-bacon situation was a budgeting decision on Woof's part 1:09:43, and she objected on principle to being thanked for "joining" a show she co-hosts every single time 1:11:15.