Re:Invigorate With Woof: Breakfast With Woof & Margie — Biscuits & Gravy

Margie woke up to texts from Ryan apologizing for missing her call — a call she has no memory of making. Then she found she'd sent Woof "good morning" twice, and a GM to Uncle Corvis that evaporated entirely. Woof's diagnosis was simple enough: the phone is possessed. Margie's worry was more specific — "Imagine calling oh, somebody who is not supposed to be called."

The Aerosmith-flavored intro track sent Margie into an unprompted appreciation of Steven Tyler that arrived with a significant asterisk. Woof's observation that "beauty's in the eye of the beholder" is what ugly people say went unchallenged. Moments later Margie explained Woof's suddenly giant profile pictures as an accessibility feature for the elderly 12:06.

Margie's roll call turned into a one-woman roast of everyone in the audience — JB and the Jim Beam, Meow's suspiciously boozy-looking NFT energy drink, Cush bringing enough for everybody, and Tree, "the tree that everybody wants to climb," out there in the mile high club. Woof's reaction to the way that one landed: "You said tree in her mile high club. I'm like, oh my gosh" 15:29.

Woof is going to Tree's big Saturday party and is torn between a werewolf, a prosthetic leg left lying in the yard, or borrowing his son's movie-quality Michael Myers getup. Margie offered the only genuinely practical note of the morning: don't lie on the ground, because frightened people kick 16:32. Woof escalated to a full graveyard of scattered body parts and Meow running down the street with his leg, ketchup optional.

Chinese kung fu robots ("what could possibly go wrong"), a Texas doorbell camera catching someone in a Joe Biden mask eating a banana (Woof's follow-up: did he bring the banana, or was it already on the porch?), delivery robots accused of harvesting biometric data, Houdini's death turning 100, and giant meat-eating crabs on the Amelia Earhart search island — which Margie resolved via Cast Away logic 23:12.

Woof and Meow's Saturday night out: schnitzel, sauerkraut, and a cranberry beer Meow tasted once and immediately abandoned. A live accordion player triggered the memory of Woof's dad trying to teach him the instrument at twelve — declined on the grounds that no school band has ever announced "here comes the accordion section." He does regret not learning guitar 33:22.

Woof's story about Tom from waste treatment, who got a DUI, drove home hammered from the bar most nights, and would get genuinely angry at the suggestion that he was an alcoholic. Margie offered "alcoholic in denial," and Woof took the exit ramp immediately — river, crocodiles and all. He also noted he'd been waiting for her to set it up 45:04.

Margie's dumbest recent move: baking onion rings and waffle fries for 22 minutes in an oven she never turned on. Woof countered with two brats incinerated on the work hot dog roller at 450 degrees, which he ate anyway — a skill he credits to years of fatherhood and burnt grilled cheese.

Woof on his dog's greeting ritual when the garage door opens, and Lily shouldering past Meow to get to him first. Margie's theory: we think we train the dogs, but they know exactly what time the bacon is due 1:11:44. This dovetailed into the coworker who sang "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" year-round for five years, to the point that pipe wrenches were discussed 1:14:00.

Ryan closed with a warm thank-you to the room, then — when Woof suggested he'd been about to say something about Margie's height — confirmed it without hesitation. Margie's comeback had to be waved off as not morning-show material, and her own outro call-out ended with her calling Meow a hungry hungry hippo and then spending the rest of the segment walking it back as a compliment.