Re:Invigorate With Woof: "NORMAL IS CANCELLED TODAY"

Host: Woof (@WoofArmyXX) with co-host Margie B (@MargieAponte2) · Mon 21 Sep 2026 · 1:04:26 · 3 speakers (plus a custom intro/outro theme song)

TL;DR

• Woof scrapped the usual morning news format and declared normal officially cancelled [14:13], running an hour of unanswerable questions instead — horse-sized duck vs. 100 duck-sized horses, is cereal soup, is ketchup a smoothie.
• A "strange news desk" segment [27:23] carried the only real facts of the day: a pelican that knocked on a NOAA lab door for help, a koala found in an Australian woman's bedroom, a new three-pound wildcat species in Bolivia, and tiny "footprint" pits on Mars.
• UNCLE CORVUS turned the koala item into a full Australian wildlife briefing — 2,067 koala deaths in his area from redevelopment [33:17], aluminium strips on highway fences, and wombats that flip cars [36:36].
• The room could not resolve whether a pair of jeans is one thing or two [51:14], whether a hot dog is a sandwich (Margie voted "appetizer") [57:35], or why Humpty Dumpty is an egg [49:36].
• Margie B opened the show flabbergasted at a wanted poster of herself circulating in the group chat — "wanted alive if possible" [0:47].
• Housekeeping: tomorrow 9am, a show on surprisingly smart animals; then off until the weekend. Liz's Space was up next.

Highlights

[0:47] — The bounty on Margie B. Before Woof could even get started, Margie came in appalled at a wanted poster someone made of her in the group chat, complete with allegations of chaos and a candy bribe. Her objection wasn't the poster, it was the slander: "I am none-like." Woof pointed out she should be flattered — plenty of those posters say dead or alive, and hers says alive if possible. Margie accepted that as a fair read of her reputation.

[2:24] — The Monday anthem. A full custom country theme song rolled for four minutes: snooze buttons with a country attitude, Karen and her unrequested spreadsheet, and the recurring promise that "Monday ain't running nothing after Woof and Margie B."

[9:00] — Puerto Rican time. Woof confessed to a nightmare in which he started the Space four minutes late. Margie declined to validate the anxiety: "I do Puerto Rican time. Being late is being punctual." That rolled into her position on arriving early to parties [9:52] — you show up on time and suddenly you're on a ladder hanging decorations in heels and a blowout, while the host supervises with a drink. Here's the present, here's the bottle, send screenshots.

[18:14] — Cereal is not soup, and this is not negotiable. Woof laid out the case (milk = broth, cereal = ingredients, bowl = bowl). Margie dismissed it on seasoning grounds. Woof's attempt to enter cornflakes as evidence of corn content was ruled fake news, and oatmeal, farina, cream of wheat and porridge all fell with it.

[20:28] — The rudest animal bracket. Geese took an early lead for hissing, snapping and pooping across every lakeside lawn — Woof's theory being that they're part Canadian. Margie countered with the giraffe: 30 minutes of sleep a day, and a neck too long to scratch its own itch. Tired, itchy, and therefore justifiably hostile.

[30:39] — Koala in the bedroom. The news item was a koala wandering through a sliding door and settling in. Margie's response plan involved dragging it out on the sheet and then replacing the mattress, comforter and everything else, on the grounds that she's not risking toxic anything in her washing machine. UNCLE CORVUS arrived at [32:01] visibly working to keep it clean for the listeners, and delivered the definitive Australian ruling: he'd take a red-bellied black snake in the living room over a koala in the house, because a cornered koala treats you the way a paper shredder treats paper. They are not that cute.

[33:17] — Koala town, for real. He stayed serious for a beat: development has torn out the bush next door, a freeway is coming through, and his area has logged 2,067 dead koalas in two years — in a town whose entire tourism pitch is that it's koala town. Woof's suggestion for a rebrand (Chlamydia Town) was gently declined; that's a small gated community further down the road.

[36:36] — Wombat physics. Asked how big a wombat is, UNCLE CORVUS offered: take a big Amstaff, add half again, cut the legs off. A teacher of his hit one at speed and the car flipped forward five times. They run 50km/h, and they kill predators by diving into a burrow and crushing whatever follows them in against the roof. Woof started a to-do list of things to YouTube later.

[43:42] — Egyptian hieroglyphs in Gosford. Following the Melville House potato-digging item, UNCLE CORVUS brought up a rock and cave site an hour and a half up the east coast with what's described as hieroglyphs depicting Egyptians arriving by boat and trading with local Aboriginal people — plus something that reads as a UFO. Recently cordoned off as too dangerous, at which point, he reports, some of the boys cut their way in and made content anyway. Woof wrote down the town name.

[52:43] — Take us to your leader. The rule was no politicians. UNCLE CORVUS said he'd drive the aliens straight to the plug down the road and then blame dyslexia: he thought they said dealer. Woof extended the bit to the part where they vaporize you for it. On whether the aliens would even bother with this particular room, UNCLE CORVUS reckoned they'd just go back home.

[55:23] — Zombie apocalypse, staffing decisions. Margie's team: Slick Rick on security, Liz to talk people down, McFly on food — Woof objected that McFly talks too much and the food would get away. Margie's own contribution was to blend in with the horde. UNCLE CORVUS built a horseshoe barricade out of trucks with diesel tanks ready to blow, put Woof on point with all the ammo, and assigned Margie to the kitchen with him, because they'd be cooking zombies. Fifteen minutes, in and out, nobody gets eaten, back in the trenches by dinner time.

[59:34] / [1:00:38] — The soft landing. UNCLE CORVUS signed off on showing up for each other, keeping the vibes high and keeping it juicy. Margie followed by telling Woof to stop apologizing for the format — he came out of his comfort zone, everybody was laughing, change is good — and then immediately reopened the jeans ruling for one last uncontested verdict. Woof could not find the buzzer button, so it stood.

Topic timeline

Notable quotes

• "I do Puerto Rican time. Being late is being punctual." — Margie B [9:00]
  ▶

  0:38
• "Cereal is a breakfast object. No, we're not thinking it's soup. No, no, it doesn't have adobo, it doesn't have sazón." — Margie B [18:14]
  ▶

  0:38
• "I would rather a red bellied black snake in the living room than come into the house and see a koala in the house." — UNCLE CORVUS [32:01]
  ▶

  0:38
• "You know what paper shredders do to paper? That's what koalas do to you when you're cornering them in a bedroom." — UNCLE CORVUS [32:01]
  ▶

  0:38
• "Oh, sorry, my bad. I'm dyslexic. I thought you said take me to your dealer." — UNCLE CORVUS [52:43]
  ▶

  0:38
• "Stay weird, stay laughing, and whatever you do, don't trust geese." — Woof [1:01:41]
  ▶

  0:38

Who said what

• Woof (@WoofArmyXX, host) — ran the whole thing on about ninety minutes of sleep after a night shift, tore up the usual news format, supplied the unanswerable questions and the strange news desk, and lost the jeans debate only because he couldn't locate the buzzer button.
• Margie B (@MargieAponte2, co-host) — the room's court of final appeal on soup, jeans, hot dogs and party etiquette; also the day's live research desk, Googling pelican colors mid-segment. Closed by telling Woof the experiment worked.
• UNCLE CORVUS (@unclecorvus^* — dialed in from koala town with the Australian wildlife dossier, the couch/sofa/lounge question that ChatGPT still hasn't answered for him [48:21], the "take me to your dealer" alien plan, and the warmest closing of the hour.

Worth a full listen

• [30:39]–[38:47] — The koala-to-wombat run. The summary can list the facts, but not the escalation from "cute surprise in the bedroom" to burrow-roof skull-crushing mechanics, with a genuinely sobering detour through local koala deaths in the middle of it.
• [51:14]–[56:23] — Jeans, aliens, zombies. Three unrelated bits that build into the same deadpan rhythm, including UNCLE CORVUS' fully specified diesel-barricade survival plan and Margie's decision to simply become a zombie.
• [57:35]–[1:01:41] — The hot dog/pigs-in-a-blanket standoff and the closings. Margie's threat to keep the Space going another two hours over this is delivered with total credibility.

* some voices are identified from context; those names are marked as likely.